The Big Brain Hypothesis
Raj: Are there any chopsticks?
Sheldon: You donít need chopsticks, this is Thai food.
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth
century. Interestingly they donít actually put the fork in their mouth, they use
it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth.
Leonard: Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.
Leonard: Um, if you donít have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai
food and a Superman movie marathon?
Penny: A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?
Sheldon: Youíre kidding, right?
Penny: Yeah, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and
Superman swooshes down and catches her, which one was that?
Leonard,Sheldon and Howard together: One. (Raj raises one finger).
Sheldon: You realise that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy.
Penny: Yes, I know, men canít fly.
Sheldon: Oh no, letís assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating
at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second. Superman swoops down to
save her by reaching out two arms of steel. Miss Lane, who is now travelling at
approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into
three equal pieces.
Leonard: Unless, Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
Sheldon: In what space, sir, in what space? Sheís two feet above the ground.
Frankly, if he really loved her, heíd let her hit the pavement. It would be a
more merciful death.
Leonard: Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that
Supermanís flight is a feat of strength.
Sheldon: Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Supermanís
flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall
buildings, an ability he derives from Earthís yellow Sun.
Howard: Yeah, and you donít have a problem with that, how does he fly at night.
Sheldon: Uh, a combination of the moonís solar reflection and the energy storage
capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.
Leonard: We donít need strength, weíre physicists. We are the intellectual
descendents of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the
Earth, itís just a matterÖ (starts to move package) I donít have thisÖ I donít
have this I donít have this.
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.
Leonard: Do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.
Sheldon: Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
Sheldon: You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the
odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?
Leonard: Men do things for women without expecting sex.
Sheldon: Yeah, those are men who just had sex.
Sheldon: No, it hurtÖ (looking around) Great Caesarís Ghost, look at this place?
Leonard: So Pennyís a little messy.
Sheldon: A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little
messy, this is chaos. Excuse me, explain to me an organisational system where a
tray of flatware on a couch is valid. Iím just inferring that this is a couch,
because the evidence suggests the coffee tableís having a tiny garage sale.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Straightening up.
Leonard: Sheldon, this is not your home.
Sheldon: This is not anyoneís home, this is a swirling vortex of entropy.
Leonard: When the transvestite lived here, you didnít care how he kept the
Sheldon: Because it was immaculate, I mean, you open that manís closet, it was
left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses, then his police uniforms.
Leonard: What were you doing in his closet?
Sheldon: I helped run some cable for a webcam.
Sheldon: Sssshhhh! Pennyís sleeping.
Leonard: Are you insane, you canít just break into a womanís apartment in the
middle of the night and clean.
Sheldon: I had no choice. I couldnít sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom
was our living room, and just outside our living room was that hallway, and
immediately adjacent to that hallway wasÖ this.
Leonard: Do you realise that if Penny wakes up, there is no reasonable
explanation as to why weíre here?
Sheldon: I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
Leonard: No, no. You gave me an explanation, itís reasonableness will be
determined by a jury of your peers.
Sheldon: Donít be ridiculous. I have no peers.
Sheldon: I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply
Leonard: Iím not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into
your neighbourís apartment and clean.
Leonard: You think?
Sheldon: Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the
end result will be a measurable enhancement of Pennyís quality of life.
Leonard: You know what, youíve convinced me, maybe tonight we should sneak in
and shampoo her carpet.
Sheldon: You donít think that crosses a line?
Leonard: Yes! For Godís sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every
time I open my mouth.
Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?
Leonard: No, I do not have a sarcasm sign.
Penny (voice off): Son of a Bitch!
Leonard: Pennyís up.
Penny (voice off): You sick, geeky bastards!
Leonard: How did she know it was us?
Sheldon: I may have left a suggested organisational schematic for her bedroom
Penny: And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
Sheldon: Depending on the depth, thatís either a proctologist or a general
surgeon. (Leonard holds up a sign reading ďSarcasmĒ) Oh!
Sheldon: I am truly sorry for what happened last night, I take full
responsibility. And I hope that it wonít colour your opinion of Leonard, who is
not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. (Penny
closes door in his face.) I did what I could.
Howard: Whatís his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there.
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